A birthday message from "him"

The White House
Washington
4 December, 2007

Dear Mr. Hone, ahhh Ho-nee, Han-nay,…..Dear Billy,

How are you doing my fellow AMERICAN? This is the President of the United States of America…the most powerful Nation of….of all the nations, that there are, or ever going to be.

You don’t mind if I call you Billy do you? Huh, that last name of yours is kind of tricky…doesn’t really even sound American. Anyway Dicky Cheney told me it was your birthday…You may wonder how he happens to know it’s your birthday…well. Huh, in MY new American you probably don’t wonder how we know. I mean right in front of me I have your tax statements for the last 36 years, pictures of you at the computer,(we had Microsoft rig that up for us in ALL the computers ever sold…You got some interesting late night habits there Billy), and a satellite photo of you buying some food that can’t be American. You sure that’s wise Billy…I don’t know why you would want to live in
Tai-a-wana...seems like you could see enough Mexicans up on the roofs of door County nailing, ahh, shingles.

Bu hey it’s your birthday and you lived to be 60…pretty damn good considering how much you been badmouthing the US of A government. And yah, we have some tapes of you saying some pretty mean spirited shit about your PRESIDENT. You been listening to those Liberal Agitators of CNN and BBBBBC or maybe you’ve even been reading the news…I don’t recommend it. What’s wrong just watching the Jefferson’s? I am your President, of all the states…not just Texas, and I did, after all, go to Yale, which is a whole lot better than that gay school of extremism you went to. You know Billy, ahh, lot of people bash me ‘cause I didn’t even have to take the SAT to get into college…But hey, everybody know SAT just means “Stupid Ass Test” anyway.

But I’m getting, ahhh, sidetracked here. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday Billy and to remind you that, ahhh, if you don’t start changing your ways, getting back into the country is going to be, ahh, ha, a whole lot harder that it was crossing the border. We got that whole line of fences from, ahh Seatle ta—Orlando—home of Mickey and that funny dog. We got that fence there now just to keep old fart undesirables like you out.

But hey, you have a good one, and God bless you, but mainly I hope he blesses the Americans who are actually IN American.

Your President,